He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
