Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
