And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
