Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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