Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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