It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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