she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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