i would punch a child for taco bell
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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