so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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