Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
