if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
