no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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