I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
