if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
there is glitter all over my balls
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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