Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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