i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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