my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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