this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The uberlube is also flammable
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize