You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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