I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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