U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
