dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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