i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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