you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
