I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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