When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
