she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
