end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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