Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
do herpes really smell.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
