I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
