Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize