thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
