So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
