My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
