a search helicopter?!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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