Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
im holly from the hills drunk
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
