Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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