Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
