I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
