mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
