I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
