Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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