Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
