just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
