Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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