Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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