My balls are so social today.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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