Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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