The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
