Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
