I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
