Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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