No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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