I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Be still, my beating vagina.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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