you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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