got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
