This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
