woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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