How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
