like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
