I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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