and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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