I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
