FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
