I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
