He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize