FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
