If i come over, it means nothing
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
