I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
