All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
