He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
